A Science Student’s Musings on Development

Let the following series of run-on sentences guide you through scattered thoughts detailing how my non-development background assisted me in the quest that is understanding development on my international development internship. Phew.

While in Maun, Botswana this past summer I found myself facing conversations that often left me befuddled. The task of practicing QPID’s most cherished deed, critical thinking, sparked conversations about the internship and environment that taught me something about myself: I was insecure of my non-traditional background. Inadequateness and insecurity manifested itself in downplaying my thoughts and staying silent in debate.  I fished for security by verbalizing the uneasiness that lingered in all the interpretations of my experience. It was in thinking about how to tackle this insecurity and discomfort that I was nudged in the direction of reflecting and deconstructing my thoughts.

Acknowledgement, in the vaguest sense, became my form of self-care during these three ineffable months. I acknowledged that I didn’t know everything. I wouldn’t always be able to figure it out on my own, but I would be able to offer perspectives shaped by my individual background. There’s danger in assuming ourselves to be specialists – and that goes for students of all training. The dangerous part is learning a handful of embellished words only to aimlessly toss them around. The dangerous part is deciding that for whatever reason, your opinion is the only one that is sound. This mindset closes all doors for conversation. It was my decision in being passionate and genuinely curious about the thoughts of others, both travellers and Motswana alike (especially the drivers that were kind enough to share their stories), that helped me construct what development was to me. It was in spending an hour of my days sitting by the road and eating Magwinya’s with mothers and sisters that pushed that definition further. It was in speaking to everyone and listening to everyone that I could return with confidence and trust in my own opinions and observations of the world. I’m not sure if this makes sense, but being able to deconstruct my thoughts while recognizing my limitations helped me see that my opinions are never right or wrong, but simply my own.

My lightbulb moment was remembering my why.  Speaking candidly, venturing into this realm of the world was for my own growth and curiosity. That being said, I know that after my time here at Queen’s, I want to explore careers in both science and development. I want to learn about organizations like Doctors Without Borders, and the ways in which I can continue what QPID and my friends have begun for me. Maybe, if I’m lucky enough, some opportunity will allow the passion that began as self-development to grow into something that may do some good for the world. Is that hopeful? Perhaps. Cheesy? Likely. Doable? Absolutely.

If you’re passionate about something, learn about it, be educated in it, talk to those who live it, and don’t be afraid to pursue it.  Yes, there’s still a lot I don’t know, but I’m hungry to figure it out.

And to those who have made it this far, I leave you with a snippet of my journal:

“Sometimes I think well, what do I know? And then I remember: not much. None of us know much. Some people speak louder than others, some know more synonyms than others, but the person who steps off that flight convinced they know best is the one working backwards. I don’t know much – and only by acknowledging that will I learn the most.”

(03.08.16)

Maun, Botswana.

~ Nika Elmi (‘19)